A Hoodie Is A Goodie

My favorite item of clothing is definitely my hooded sweatshirt. I actually own a few and favor a different one each week; but in general, I can’t go wrong with a hoodie. I wear it in every season, in every situation. Whether its 9 degrees or 90 degrees, whether I’m out in the world or sitting alone in my room, whether at a social gathering or even at work, I prefer to have my head covered. I just feel so exposed and vulnerable when forced to reveal my cranium. My hoodie is my sanctuary, my comfort zone, my invisibility cloak. Yes, I realize that people can still see me when I’ve got my hood on, but it makes me feel so inconspicuous. Though in all honesty, it actually seems to have the opposite effect. My beloved hooded sweatshirt sadly makes others uncomfortable; apparently it gives me an air of mystery and stirs up feelings of foreboding in those around me. My sisters often scold me for looking inappropriate. My boss calls me “The Unabomber” and claims that I scare her. Shopkeepers eye me suspiciously when I enter their establishment. Pedestrians move to the other side of the road when they see me approaching. But I assure you, I have no desire to bomb, kill, or rob anyone. I am not a thief, or murderer, or drug dealer. I’m simply a nervous sociophobe; and sometimes my head is just cold or I'm having a bad hair day. So the next time you see someone roaming the streets hiding beneath a hoodie, judge not. The object of your fear may very well not be a degenerate, but a harmless neurotic.